The Whisper in the Noise... The Voice of My Soul!

Hey,

I am glad to welcome back the writing bug in me.. kind of missed it  and though I write crap.. I feel relaxed after I have written something...

I was napping this afternoon when i went into the strange dream world again. I usually see the people I miss in my dreams, but this one was a strange one.. I saw myself falling.. and falling.. and falling and I came to a sudden thumping stop.

The stop was so real that I woke up... I found myself scared and looking for someone to comfort me.

There was a sudden realization of what was not there with me. It was some one to hold and to comfort me.

And so the age of question was back in my head. What is love? Who do you know that the person you are with is the right person? What makes that someone so special?

The answer to all of these questions is suddenly a bit clear to me.

Love is a feeling when you want to share something that you have or you feel with someone. Whether it is your favorite icecream, a relaxed evening, the feeling of getting pampered, the feeling of falling in an incredible abyss, or just a bad dream you had.

You know that it the right person, when you can talk to him without uttering a word, when he can just hold you and you know that everything's going to be alright, somebody who understand you more than u.. sometimes you find that person and you are lucky to spend your life with him and sometimes you just live with the fact that wherever he is and with whomsoever he is, he happy without you around.

Right now, I guess I am just looking for that person to come along and take me with him, wherever he wants. I have been in love before but I HAD to let him go... though I miss him, I cant say anything or do anything it...

As of now, I am waiting... to be loved again, to be in love again....

Love,

Adee.

Hey there,

Despite of my new year’s resolution to blog and to tweet more often, I cant seem to get myself to emote as much I would like to. No reasons of doing as so except plain laziness and a whirlpool of emotions.

When I start writing, I am suddenly overtook by a million things that I want to, some of them involving other people, people that would get hurt if I do talk about them. So I get refrained from writing about them.

But today, I filtered my thoughts and that’s why I write. :D

I am right now in Ahmedabad working as an intern with radio Mirchi (It’s Actually Hot!)

Due to my unbearable health issues in the last semester, I decided to take my internship at Ahmedabad so that I can stay here and work on my health. Meanwhile my brother got a new job in Delhi and he shifted over there. So now, I have the whole place to myself and I am enjoying it to the max.

I have actually started to fall in love with my morning schedule. I wake up at 7 and start my favorite playlist on my dear darling lappie. That follows with a glass full of lemon, honey and luke warm water with Ahmedabad times. By the time I have completed that glass full, I am done with Ahmedabad mirror also. Then a nice cup of coffee with a extended look at the TOI and some more good music.

Then I get ready to go to office. I make a list of all the things that I need for home and get them on my way back. By the time I return, my home is cleaned spotless by one maid and other one comes and cooks food for me. I don’t have to move a single muscle to clean my home. YAY!

My dinners are usually quiet, my plate, my lappie with music or F.R.I.E.N.D.S, and candles (yes, I have candle light dinner everyday, Alone). After a bit of kitchen cleaning, I get hours to think.

I have been nursing a broken heart, an ill body and a super confused mind. My diet is helping me with my ill body but I am getting no where with the heart and the mind issues. A classic battle is underway with them and its hard to figure whose side will I take.

But the time in the windy, recently cloudy nights help me figure out a lot. Plus, staying alone helps. There is no accountability, no responsibility of any kind. You are free to do whatever you want. My parents are super trusting when it comes to me staying alone and I want to live up to their expectations.

Ahmedabad is busier than Baroda but quieter than Mumbai. Probably one of the reason that I like it hear and wont mind spending the rest of my life here. But what the future hold for me is so uncertain. The only thing certain now is that after these three months I want to return back to Mumbai and complete my eight month of MBA at IBS, Mumbai with a lot my zeal than my first year. After that my life will take the biggest turn, marriage.

It would be unfair of me to remotely plan or think of what happens then to the other person and the family entering my life. So as of now, I have a year to complete independence in front of me and I’m loving it.

I sign off, with the war between my heart and head at its peak.

Love,
Adee.

hey...

update in points:

• me left mumbai around 15 days back and moved to ahemdabad for my internship at radio mirchi.
• loving my heavenly 3bhk abode where i stay alone.
• loneliness though does get to me sometimes
• at a creative low
• missing mumbai friends a bit.
• professionally, i am happy...
• personal life could not have been more screwed up!
• shocked to see the center head greeting everyone with a warm smile and a hug! :)

Love,

adee

hey....

14th Jan is usually a very eventful day at my home...

mom usually screams in the morning to wake me and my brother up, we are already awake because of the horrible songs everybody else is playing because of uttrayan, but out of morbid laziness, we just keep our eyes closed and lay down. then papa wakes us up with a nice hot tea and some breakfast. on the 14th is usually the traditional gujarati fafda and jalebi.

after a lot of laziness me and bro go to the terrace to enjoy the day. generally, i am the super hyper one and bro comes in a little late. i cant precise remember what else goes on that day. except a few memories.

i remember, my mom. she loves to fly kites. she acts like a teenager on the terrace. she loves to put long newspaper tails on kites. she says that it improves the balance of kite and it flies higher. as usaul, she is right, but me and rahul just pull her leg and never fly her kite with the long tail. by the time we our flying our ites, she religiously attaches the long tail to her kite and then attaches it thread. then i just take her kite and fly it with her...

the smile on her face is worth dying for when she sees one of her kids flying the kite she perepared. she will hold the firki and keep a look out for other kites that would come to cut her kite. if we cut some other kite, then she screams and jumps and laughs and i can see that she is so proud of me.... her happiness is the most amazing thing then... if by mistake our kties goes, she just laughs it off too... and she will go and make another long tail kite again... :)

i remember, my dad. he is possiby the sweetest man i will ever meet... he wakes me up every morning after making a cup of hot hot tea for me. though he might have had tea before i wake up, he would sit with me again to have it again.... when we up on the terrace he generally takes his favourite chair and sits in shade, tieing kinars on the kites for me and rahul to fly. whenever my kite reaches on the top, i call out to him. he comes and pats me on my back and encourages me to go further than anybody else.

in the afternoon, he would go downstairs to rest for a bit and then in some time he would come back again with lots of tea for all of us.... and something to eat too.. if i get a cut, he would put bandage on it and ask me to take care.....

i remember, my bro. whenever i fly a kite, he would just sit there and wait for it to go up.. then he would just come and take my kite away from me to cut other kites... he would dance with me, fight with me over the music and what not. but he would make me smile, no matter what happens....

today, its 14th jan again.... mom dad and rahul are in baroda.... and i am not. i am sitting in a empty room very far away from them. i would give my entire world to see my mom smile over her long tail kite, to share a cup of tea with my dad and to give my bro the kite that i flew....

missing them too much today....

Love u mom dad and bro...

Adee

hey there...

today is 31st december, the last day of the year.. the year was super eventful.. faced a lot of emotionals, almost all of them in the same year...

thinking about it, when i put them all together, it overwhelming...

but it was all in all, a good year.... fore me... the person is was one year back and the person i am today are two different people altogether...  there is a change in me, thats for sure, not idea if its for the good or bad...

i hope i have walked out of this year as a stronger person..

the next years looks promising, proffesionally... my summers is done, Radio mirchi. i get to work with jatan and am real excieted about the same... hopefully i will come back to mumbai after my SIP.

there were mistakes that happened this year and there are friends that i lost... i hope the dawn of the new year will change that...

i never take resoulstions, but this year there is one. i want to tweet and blog more... so lets see,

anyways, wish me luck for the forth coming year...

i wish all of u all the happiness in the world and much more!

love,

Adee.

PS a special thanks to my family and my friends, old and new, for making my life special! :-)

hey there...

my roomie priyanka, while talking to a mutual friend, made a MAST statement...

"pehle tu bottle mein doodh pita tha, ab daru pita hai... things change, deal with it!"

hehehehe...

how true na!

Love,

Adee

hey there...

there is so much to vent out at this point of time, but circumstances are such that i cant even say what i feel out loud, writing about it is a far fetched dream...

i wish i could write it all down and then put it in a big heavy metal box, tie a huge store and throw it in marina trench. but as one of my friends rightly points out, life is a paradox between what u wish and what u get...

i always used to say that there is nothing in my life that i would regret ever. but at this point of time the list of things that i would regret is building up.

i always talked abt hope, and how it gives us a reason to wake up every morning. at this point, i have lost hope, i dont have a reason to wake up. i feel like staying in the bed and keep sleeping till something comes up...

wishing that things would change soon for the better!

Love,

Adee

Life is unpredictable.. .when you think that everything is going right, something, a little something can go wrong and when everything seems to be crashing in front of you, a little ray of hope and a friendly smile is all that it takes to make things better and life a little more beautiful!
I still miss Baroda so much, but thing have turned a new leaf in Mumbai. I received my first semester results and they look good at this point of time. Presentations are good and the routine is set now.

One thing that made Baroda special though, was my friends there. They are soooooo special that I know that so many people would have envied me because of my relationship with them. I wished day and night that I would have at least a couple of people like them here in Mumbai.

And as they say, God has an answer to every prayer. Even mine got answered. Six months here, I have at least six people whom I can call my own.

Today I faced an adverse condition, the one I was dreading even before I came here… and in adversity I found my truth friends … for one it was my roomie priyanka… she is three years younger to me but she is the most prefect gal I have ever met… her courage is something I will admire till its time for me to go to my grave…

And the second, lets just call him MY NEW FRIEND… he is an angel in disguise… one of the most honest guys I have met.. with him, this strange city feels like home…

So a toast, to my new friends and to the ones who have always been there… I dont know where I would be without you…
Today, in tough times, I smile… AND THE REASON IS YOU!


Love u all, soooo much!


Adee!

PS here are the lyrics to that fantastic song...

This semester, one of our professors have us a very interesting project. He asked us to write an article. He asked us to write about something that we are passionate about, collect newspaper clippings of the same and submit it.

I thought a lot about what I was passionate about. A lot of things did come to mind also like coffee at barista, my college, my work, my articles, nature, events, driving and listening to music, adventures with my friends and what not. I kept wondering what to write about, until the golden thought struck me on the Pune-Mumbai Express highway.

I was thinking about all these things, but it took me a little while to figure out the common thread between all of my passions.

A cup of coffee is all I need to regain my sanity, but that cup has to be at barista in BARODA.

My Alma matter is the place one place I owe my personality to, but its in BARODA.

My work used to keep me engaged for 18 hours a day, but it was at Endeavor Careers, BARODA.

My articles are the way I feel, when I am in or outside BARODA. Nature to me is what my dad has introduced me to, which was in and around BARODA.

Music, friends and adventure, all these seem to loose its meaning as soon as I go away from BARODA.

My love, my life, my heart and my soul are in BARODA. So if I had to pick a thing I was, I am and I will be passionate about, it was to be, you guessed it right, BARODA.

I was born in 1986, in a small village called Kalol, near by a blossoming town called Baroda.For proper education of me and my brother, my father managed to get a transfer in the town in 1989 and we have lived that since then. I did my schooling for Gujarat Refinery English Medium School and then went on to do my graduation from SVIT, Vasad, although I stayed in Baroda only.

For any child the big moment for transition from adolescence to adulthood comes when he or she gets a first pay cheque. I got my at the age of 21. It was a cheque of Rs 3333 from PT Education for the month of February, 2007. After that I worked for Endeavor Careers and then tired to get into a good B-School. I managed IBS- Mumbai. But till now I had no idea what Baroda meant to me…

I was all charged up to start a new phase of my life, leaving a old one behind.

The first four months in Mumbai have passed by. It is said that Mumbai is a city that accepts everyone, a land where dreams come true and a home to any one and every one. I am sure this city has accepted me, but the heart wrenching question remains: have I accepted the city?

The answer is a NO… I am a Barodian, by hart, by soul and will always stay that way!

As humans, we have a definite urge to want something or the over, mostly things that we cant have…
We also have that “kedda” to want what we cant have.. life gets complicated the moment you realize that you want something u cant have….
Like, when I wanted to have do an MBA, I wanted to go into a ivy league, but some things are just not meant for me…
When I entered IBS I was looking for a good course, some fun and college life like I had in SVIT, but some things are just not meant for me….
When I looked at someone, I found the world I was looking for my self, the world where I would feel safe and pampered.., my sanctuary.. but some things…………………….
The horrible part is, just like every other human, I wake up every morning thinking that things will be alright… and every night I sleep with the truth that everything is just the same as last night… like every night…
The truth is I cant take it anymore… I am not that strong and I give up pretending to be…

Love,

Adee